Tuesday, September 06, 2011

I told me so...

I generally prefer meeting clients at either their place or, when that's not appropriate, at a cafe where there are discreet corner tables or booths so as to discuss their case without being overheard.

While I have recently organised a new office, shared with another PI, I don't want to give out this address to just any prospective client without knowing a bit more about them as  I will soon be living here as well.

I  certainly do not want too many people knowing where I live, for the obvious reasons, so will probably continue to meet clients in cafes and the like.

And so, today, I met Velma by arrangement at a quaint cafe by the seaside. By quaint I, of course, mean tired and run down which, I guess, really is just typical of this part of town. Time stood still here sometime in the mid-70s. My tea certainly tasted as if it were freshly brewed then. I didn't finish it.

The meeting went, sadly, *exactly* as I anticipated. I say 'sadly' because even though I know how these things turn out beforehand, I still optimistically hope for a different outcome.

Unsurprisingly, this was a complete waste of time.

Velma is, to put it bluntly, 'not quite all there' and believes that photographs of her secretly taken some 34 years ago have been published in various womens' magazines and also featured in a late-night infomercial for some exercise equipment promoted by scary women with improbable breasts and too-white smiles (contrasting all the more with their too-orange tans).

She remembers signing some documents when she was hospitalised for a nervous breakdown and wonders if this may have had something to do with it...

She's hoping that there's some money in it for her.

I know there's certainly nothing in it for me.

I let her down gently and told her that it was extremely unlikely that this is the case and that it would be a waste of her money to hire me to look into it, but, at no charge (note to self: stop doing this!) I'd look at the infomercial and see if there's anything there.

There won't be.

Velma said that the photo is only onscreen for a second or so and is of her facing away from the camera. So there's not even a shot of the face to try and confirm identity.

I guess I kind of feel sorry for Velma.


  1. I think Velma should provide you with some photos to compare, nude....?

  2. I don't think that will be necessary. Actually, I insist that it won't.

  3. In other news, sun rises in the east, water is wet, etc.

  4. I never said it was 'news', I'm merely chronicling the depressingly familiar routine that encompasses my so-called 'life' as a down-and-out PI.