Monday, July 09, 2012

Monday WTF Files: Psychic Private Investigations

Sometimes I seriously have to wonder why I bother.

Why don't I just quadruple my fees and, instead of doing any actual investigating, just make shit up?

Like Beryl Frasier (not her real name but I'm sorely tempted...) and her partner.

Their website proudly displays the fact that Beryl and Co undertake 'Private Investigations', and have done so for over twenty years. Yep, Private Investigations as opposed to psychic investigations although there is the clear emphasis that Spirit provides the information sought.

And what sort of information?

Beryl can give you the scoop on:

  • Company fraud
  • Employee theft
  • Criminal history
  • Personality disorders etc
And more besides. Naturally, Beryl cites having helped the police and various government departments although does not provide any further information as to exactly what she did and for whom.

Fair enough, plausible deniability and all that, eh?

However, one thing that puzzles me is why government departments, who are usually sticklers for things like 'rules' or 'the law' would turn to a pair of unlicenced investigators, psychic or not? Because here there is the legal requirement that if you hold yourself, or your business, out as conducting private investigations you must hold a licence.

And having checked the public register, I can safely say that neither Beryl nor her partner do.

Not to stop just at unlicenced private investigative services, Beryl and Co also offer (in their own words) legal advice. The key word here is advice - anyone can provide legal information, but only lawyers holding current practicing certificates can offer legal advice.

If probably comes as no great surprise to you, Dear Reader, that neither Beryl nor partner hold current practicing certificates or, as far as I can determine, have ever been lawyers.

But never mind that, Beryl can still give you the outcome of a pending court case...

All for the nominal fee of around US$360 for the first hour and $80 per additional hour thereafter.



  1. 1. Report them to the police
    2. Go to court case
    3. Ask them "Why did you not see this coming?"
    4. Have large party to celebrate the public shaming of two asshats.

    1. Hahaha. I like point number 3 :)

    2. There is a complaints procedure where I'd have to have Beryl & Co served with a copy of the complaint. Complaints are dealt with through a regulatory body who monitor a number of licenced professions but the legislation that binds PIs is new and untested.

      It would be interesting to see how the complaint is handled though.

    3. I am also reminded of an X-Files episode ('Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose') where a serial killer was going around killing off palm readers and psychics - the inference being that if they were real they would have seen it coming.

      Bruckman, who has the ability to see how someone will die after he touches them, remarks to Mulder: "You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation."

  2. I have a banking client where my contact is really quite senior, eminently qualified, successful and well respected.

    He does however place a certain amount of faith on recommendations put forward by his Sangoma*

    His faith is such that he has on occasion also consulted on due diligence and pre employment matters simultaneously to his handing out of such assignments to people such as me.

    I am however fairley certain that his Sangoma* does not advertise himself as a due diligence consultant, pre employment specialist or private investigator.


  3. In reference to Sangomas the practice of Muti and increased commercial success, the placing of a baboons hand under your front doe palm upwards with the fingers point away from the door (as if to grasp) is said to bring money in.

    Similarly placing the same under your competitors doorstep with the fingers point in encourages them to rapidly lose money!

    Might be worth a try.

    1. We're a bit short of baboons here.

      Would a particularly hairy child do instead?

  4. Probably not, all that will bring is the Child Protection people.

    We got stacks of Baboons. Plenty to spare. Nasty little feckers, Like Rottweilers but with the ability to hold you down while they rip your throat out.

    You don't have a FedEx account do you?

    1. But they always seem so friendly and mischievous on those classic movies and TV shows that had baboons-as-sidkicks (none of which spring to mind right now).

      No, wait, I'm thinking of orangutans.

      Hold my order please.