Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Times They Are a-Changin'

It may come as a surprise, possibly even a shock, to you Dear Reader to learn that in the very near future I may no longer be a Private Investigator.

A short time ago I announced, to those who know me, my intent to look for opportunities elsewhere as things had become, to give the technical term, shit. My personal and professional situation was growing more and more untenable and something had to change.

And so I started to keep an eye out for anything suitable, here or abroad.

Well, I have just applied for several positions as an investigator (one as a general investigator, the other with a more covert nature) within a recently formed governmental agency. There are a number of positions advertised around the country and I figure my willingness to relocate pretty much anywhere should stand me in good stead.

I still have to overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacle of being virtually unemployable but I think I should surely be able to wrangle an interview and hopefully my natural charm will win the day.

Of course if there is even the slightest hint of psychometric profiling, I'm screwed. I don't know if I'll just refuse to take the test or try to answer the questions like any 'normal' person would.

However, I imagine that most, if not all, of the positions will be filled internally and the positions were only advertised because of the legal requirement to do so.

Still, it's worth a try.

So what happens if I somehow do manage, against all odds, to get one of those positions?

Personally, I'm hoping that I will still be allowed to continue the PI business since there is hardly going to be a conflict of interest. Different worlds entirely.

And in that case, it will be business as normal here.

PS: If you are seeking a slightly dodgy PI with a questionable work-ethic (or just questionable ethics in general), I'm your man! Email me here with any genuine offers of employment. I am willing to relocate pretty much anywhere* for the right position.

Short-** or long-term positions considered.

* 'Pretty much anywhere' might be limited to which countries I can legally live and work in. I'm all good for the EU and Australasia - anywhere else will depend on whether or not I meet the necessary requirements. I'm game if you are.

** 'Short-term' does not refer to any position that ends with my untimely demise in a compomising situation designed to obfuscate the identities of the true perpetrators of any enterprise. I'm no-one's patsy.


  1. A REAL JOB? ! Don’t do it man. Yeah there is certainly something comforting about some schmuk regularly paying you irrespective of you having had a bad day, bad month or simply not giving a damn (but cunningly disguising it a productivity). No such comforts in the world of the self-employed.

    I have a simple one word answer to any quandaries regarding being employed or self-employed. Boss!

    I have had bosses and been a boss. Neither are favourable positions when one compares it against the following plusses in self employment.

    The office dynamic is perfection. I am not only the greatest boss I have ever had but I’m also the most amazing employee.

    I can work in my boxer shorts

    When it all gets too much I can say sod it, leave my desk and go for a drink

    When it is all going great I can say yeeeeha! And celebrate at my desk with a drink

    If someone I have given a job to lets me down I just don’t give them more work. There is no having to work with numpties, the educationally deprived or refugees from their dreams and aspirations.

    If someone wants me to achieve the impossible by yesterday for little or no reward I can go right ahead and do it (if she is exceptionally cute). But better still can tell my potential oppressor to go and (insert your local linguistic or cultural term) themselves.

    When times are bad, one has the time to explore one’s inner culinary genius. Beans on toast? Beans with toast, toast on beans etc and that’s before we get to 1012 interesting things to do with half a dozen eggs.

    A corner office with a cherry wood desk on the 25th floor and German made car is no longer an indication of success. A full wine rack and fridge is! Not only that, they are a damned site easier to attain and keep!

    I could go on but you get the idea.

    1. Tony, I am in full agreement with you. However, it's not a case of want but need - at least for a short(ish) while. Unless, of course, there is a marked paradigm shift vis-a-vis my current predicament/situation.

      Also, I'd like a holiday.

      Well, maybe a 'break' rather than 'holiday' and by break I mean doing the same thing only getting paid by someone else, regularly, and in a different location.

      So not really a break either.

      A change. That's what I need.