Friday, December 07, 2012

The Scientific Method

Well, Dear Reader, I received an answer, of sorts, from the boffins in the laboratory in regards to my earlier post.

Dr Bambi* (artist's impression, left) sent the following email** to clarify their position.

Dear Anonymous Investigator,
Your enquiry to the *** *********** Service Centre relating to the DNA profiling of a hoodie has been referred to me and thank you for approaching ***
Firstly the success rate in obtaining DNA profiles from the wearer of sweatshirts and jackets is only around 37% and often for clothing items a mixture of more than one person’s DNA results. If *** was to process the hoodie and was successful in obtaining a DNA profile from the wearer, there is basically little that could be done with that result in terms of taking your investigation further.  It would not be possible to compare it to the DNA Profile Databank as this is owned by the ** Police and under legislation is only to be used for forensic comparisons undertaken by Police.   It means the DNA profile from the hoodie can’t be compared to the Databank without the direction of Police.  There is the possibility that *** could compare it to reference DNA samples taken directly from the individuals of interest but these would need to be volunteered by the individuals relevant to this enquiry.   Again, the legislation which provides the framework to compel a person to provide a sample for a criminal investigation only pertains to the ** Police.  There really is little if any value for your client in *** processing the hoodie.  If you would like to progress this further then I recommend  you direct further communication back to the officer in charge of this matter.
Lastly, as a sexy female scientist, I am often not taken seriously by my peers. However, let my thick-rimmed glasses, balanced precariously on the end of my button nose assure you that I am indeed serious. Just because I may, from time to time, distractedly play with a loose strand of my hair that has fallen across my face as I intently peer through a microscope - or my seeming inability to find shirts with a full complement of buttons - does not detract from my professionalism. I am a very serious woman, a woman with wants and desires.
A desire to be tamed by a man like you.
Kind Regards,
Dr Bambi Sugar
Forensic Programme Manager
Well, that sort of puts the ball back in the Police's court if a result *is* found as they (surely?) would be compelled to take further action if new evidence should be tabled... We'll be putting that to the test, I think.

And Bambi, you have my number.

Call me!

* So not her real name, but it should be...
** Pretty much this email is as it was received - apart from some minor editing


  1. API, cracking cases and breaking hearts....sounds like it's a hard life mate.