Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Handy hints if contemplating a career in crime

I sometimes despair of the quality, the calibre, of our up-and-coming young criminals, Dear Reader.

Case in point, just the other day I was doing one of those jobs I really hate doing but occasionally it helps pay the bills: repossessions.

And it wasn't a vehicular repo, which generally go smoothly, but household chattels.

Which generally don't.

And this wasn't an exception.

So my colleague and I arrived at the Subject's property forewarned that there was a large, angry, dog on the premises. Which there was. Luckily, it was confined to a sun room at the front of the house and was unable to get out.

We walked around to the rear of the property but were unable to confirm that the chattels were inside. All the curtains were closed and no-one answered the door.

Well, given that we had a Warrant for this address, we have right of entry into the property. Our SOP in these matters if no-one appears to be home, we call the police to advise we are entering, and this is exactly what we did.

However, rather than having to pick the lock, it turns out that the rear door was unlocked.

We cautiously entered, loudly proclaiming who we were just in case people might have been in bed. Not a peep. So then we quickly looked at the TV, lounge suite, fridge etc but none of the items were those specified in the warrant.

Neither was the box of dried cannabis or the drug paraphernalia.

But that's okay, not really our business. What someone does in the privacy of their own home and all that.

So before we left, we checked the garage. You know, just in case the goods were sitting there in storage.

We tried the garage door.

It was unlocked.

And there, right in front of us, was a cannabis grow room.


Because now we have a dilemma. I'd already notified the police that we were entering the property, we couldn't just walk away saying nothing. What if the property was under police surveillance or ended up being busted in the future and it came to light that a licenced PI, yours truly, had entered the property and failed to report his findings?

So I called the police comms again and let them know of the grow room.

How we all laughed.

Anyway, now as it subsequently turned out, the occupants were friends of friends of friends... The gentleman in question was apparently quite displeased with my uncovering, and subsequent reporting of, his home agricultural enterprise and has blamed me, rather unfairly, as being a 'nark'.

Conveniently forgetting, of course, that he is the person who was committing one criminal act while compounding it further with several stupid ones.

So, future criminals, here's some advice to help you not have your careers nipped in the bud (bad cannabis pun there, sorry):

Pay your bills

Lock your doors

Don't attract undue attention     

It's not rocket science!

And on that note, here is something entirely unrelated.

No comments:

Post a Comment